


all of the stars

by jachaelas



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Exes, F/F, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Kidnapping, Marvel Universe, Natasha Romanov Feels, Red Room (Marvel), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jachaelas/pseuds/jachaelas
Summary: When Maria blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted to the artificial lighting, she almost thought she had truly died. There didn’t seem to be any explanation for this where Maria was alive, or at the very least one where she wasn’t hallucinating. Maria froze, completely lost for words because there was simply nothing in the world that could’ve convinced her that this was actually happening. Out of everyone in the entire universe that she could’ve been taken by, of course it was her.
Relationships: Maria Hill & Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, Nick Fury/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 68





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first blackhill fic so idk if people will enjoy it but let me know your thoughts!!  
> the title is inspired by the song 'all of the stars' by ed sheeran! it's gonna be multiple chapters though so that may not make sense until later<3
> 
> \- trigger warnings for this chapter 
> 
> blood  
> violence  
> death

_‘Hill.’_

Maria wasn’t even sure if she was awake or not. Perhaps she was dead, for she couldn’t see, or talk, and her entire body ached with a pain that she could only assume was what dying felt like. Maria wasn’t very afraid of dying, one of the many reasons that she’d chosen to join the army. She’d only assumed it may have been a little more peaceful than this, for the Russian cursing that she could hear, slightly muffled from one ear, was distracting her from this new feeling of out-of-bodiness. If this was what being a ghost felt like, Maris wasn’t sure she wanted it. Her head throbbed, thoughts speaking over themselves so loudly that she couldn’t hear anything that her mind was trying to tell her.

‘Pretty short record for someone who needed to be gagged,’ Someone spoke out, finally in a language she was able to understand. 

_So, not dead. Interesting._

Maria was fairly good at Russian, however in that moment she didn’t seem to have the ability to think straight.

‘Smart for a military kid, too,’ The voice added, possibly not far from complimenting her. It seemed like downright patronisation to Maria, and while her memories were completely jumbled, she still had her pride.

‘It’s funny,’ The girl, Maria had now worked out, began, ‘When I asked you to find the girl, you told me it would be easy.’ Her tone had leveled out, more serious, yet still calm. ‘Yet you’ve brought her back here two men short. Do I need to remind you why we’re here?’

Maria tried her hardest to breathe quietly, understanding that if they thought she was unconscious, she was more likely to be able to eavesdrop.

‘No, Ma’am.’

‘Good. Now get the fuck out of my sight.’

If Maria didn’t have a gag in her mouth so tight that she knew the sides of her lips would crack and bleed for weeks after, she probably would've smirked. It was incredibly stupid of these people to continue to believe that she couldn’t hold her own, far better than the others in her squadron at that. Maria had been underestimated far more times than she cared to admit, however she knew that it was one of the downsides to joining the army as a woman. It didn’t help when half of the men she’d met at her rank had tried to sleep with her, even when she was completely out of their reach. Of course, she didn’t tell them that beforehand.

_There was something so satisfying about seeing a jackass who thought she was desperate for the comfort of a man when she was oh-so-far-away from home find out that she was gay. The initial shock itself gave Maria enough of a high, and the embarrassment when they realised that everyone else in the military bar had silenced to watch the situation unfold made up for the fact that Maria had very few options for girls to hook up with. Which she was fine with, she didn’t want anyone anyways._

Maria’s memories were still hazy when she heard someone, presumably the girl, dial a phone number, before the light tapping of a foot. 

‘It’s me. She’s here,’ The woman paused, letting the person on the other end of the line talk before responding.

‘Debrief went well,’ She said, and Maria assumed that she had still been unconscious when that occurred, or perhaps it took place in a different room. 

‘Status Alive, sir,’ Maria had to focus through the pain, and the ringing in her ears, however when the throbbing subsided for a second she realised that a pair of footsteps were approaching her. 

The girl kicked Maria in the shin, not as hard as the other guys had, but enough to bruise her. Maria barely flinched, for the bruise was a short distraction from her multiple other injuries.

A cold pair of fingers touched Maria’s neck, as she was startled slightly by the feel of another person who in that moment, wasn’t trying to hurt her. She cursed internally, assuming she had been caught out, however the girl didn’t seem to notice.

_For someone with such a rough touch, her hands were ever so soft._

‘Good,’ She muttered, taking a few steps into another room.

Maria sighed with relief internally, the pain in her ribs far too great to actually breathe any more than completely necessary. The girl had left earshot, which gave Maria time to go over everything she knew from memory.

The guys had gone for showers, and Maria used the alone time in the gym to work on her core without the guys staring at her in a sports bra. She hated to admit it, but she had been incredibly insecure for years, even more so after joining the army. She just _knew_ that the guys judged her for not being as visibly muscular as them, however countless spars seemed to prove to them that she was far more advanced in combat than most of them would ever be. When they left to shower, Maria untangled her earphones and began streaming her only playlist. She used the pull-up bar almost every day, because although she hated to admit it, it got to her when the guys poked fun at her for not looking the part. Maybe if she was able to build a more visible type of strength they'd respect her more. She hadn’t even broken a sweat when she felt hands wrap around her mouth and torso from behind. At first Maria thought it may have been one of the guys from her squadron, which wouldn’t have been that surprising to her, but when she grasped the man and flipped him over her shoulder to pin him down, Maria realised that he wasn’t wearing an Army uniform. 

_And that he wasn’t alone._

Four other men surrounded Maria, and her calls for help were ignored, or went unheard. The showers were pretty far down the halls, and even if someone heard her, they probably wouldn’t reach the gym before she was killed. Maria didn’t think twice before punching the guy in front of her hard enough to knock him cold for at least a few hours, then getting up to face the other men circling her. They were all much bigger than her, and probably the guys in her squadron too. She wasn't just going to be able to fight her way past them to ask for help, and Maria barely had time to wonder if this was it for her.

‘One of you wasn’t enough for a little girl like me?’ She teased, acting far more cocky than she felt, as one of the larger men lunged at her. He knocked Maria back with a strong punch to the stomach, which sent her stumbling over to one of the other guys. A figure not dissimilar to Maria’s, he was much easier to take on. She hopped up almost effortlessly onto his shoulders, wrestling with him until she heard the not-so-faint snap of his neck. He tumbled down seconds later, and Maria rolled gracefully from him as he hit the ground. The three other men surrounding her began to close on her, and while Maria could throw incredibly fierce punches, it wasn’t enough to hold back the largest of the men from grabbing her from behind and lifting her. One arm was wrapped around her neck, and the other around her torso as she wriggled and tried to escape his grasp.

‘What do you want from me?’ Maria squirmed, as the man, who was at least a foot taller than her, tightened his grip on her neck until her vision went blurry. The men didn’t respond, and didn’t seem to have any indication of who they worked for on their clothing. 

The two other men took turns throwing punches at her, a few to the face, leaving her ears ringing and bleeding. They kicked her in the ribs until she was pretty certain that her bones were crushed into dust. Pretty typical of the security cameras in that room to be down, and she assumed most of the guards in the vicinity had been taken down considering nobody came when she screamed. Another reminder to Maria that no matter how many people she thought were protecting her, she only ever really had herself. 

She had tried to bite her lip back to stop from crying out any more, but Maria was afraid of what they were going to do to her, and how long it was going to take before they tortured her so much that she slipped slowly into death.. They swung at her aimlessly until Maria’s eyes rolled back into her head and blood began to drip from her mouth. 

‘Pack it up, we need her alive,’ Was the last thing Maria heard before she was thrown to the ground, and her head hit off of the side of a metal bench. She fought with consciousness for an amount of time unknown to Maria, for even when she thought she may have been waking up, her eyelids were in such a great deal of pain from her newly forming black eyes that she could barely lift them. Her entire body ached, and Maria began almost wishing death on herself, for surely anything was better than this. She recalled waking a little again when they hauled her into a chair, blindfolding her and tying it far too tight as she felt blood trickle down the back of her neck as her injury was aggravated. Her mind recalls an attempt at a struggle, but she wonders if that actually happened, for she doesn’t seem to have attained any new injuries since the fight at the gym. 

The room in which she’d been placed felt like a sauna, which would likely put her at a higher risk of infection from her various open wounds. In an attempt to seem unconscious, Maria had been letting the blood flow from her mouth freely, although she longed for someone to take the soaked gag off of her so that she could spit it all out. With no idea of how long she’d been out, Maria also knew that she really needed to drink something. Her head was still pounding, which was likely the reason why she didn’t notice the sound of footsteps coming up behind her. The rough grab of her head from behind was enough to alert her, as she could feel the breath of someone at her left ear.

‘I know you’re not unconscious,’ The woman whispered, almost too quietly for Maria to hear. ‘You’ll do as I say, when I say. I don’t care what they want.’ 

Maria drew a sharp breath as she felt the cool metal edge of a knife glide across her throat. The girl had a gentle, yet dangerous way of tracing the blade, almost like at any second she was going to slit Maria's throat right open.

‘I'm not sure what you know, but I don’t give a fuck. Try anything with me, Hill, and you’re _dead.’_

She guessed that the woman couldn’t have been more than a couple of millimetres from her ear, as she could feel the warmth of another person by her face as the woman lingered for a few moments. Maria squirmed a little in her chair, the ropes burning at her wrists.

‘You won’t get out of those,’ The girl, who Maria had appropriately named _jackass-kidnapper-who-wants-me-dead_ in her mind, added while walking off in another direction. Maria attempted to spit on the ground, perhaps to get rid of some of the blood, or likely just because she wanted to piss off her captor. The attempt fell flat when Maria almost choked on her gag. She was slightly embarrassed, even more so when she heard a snort of laughter from behind her, shortly followed by the scraping of a chair.

‘So,’ Maria perked up a little at the voice, who had now seemed to be right in front of her, flicking through something that the soldier could only assume was her personal information files.

‘Says here you’re from Chicago,’ She noted, ‘Never been.’

_Just what Maria needed. A reminder of her past._

‘Two tours, medal of valor,’ The woman mumbled, ‘Still doesn’t explain why they wanted you. Nothing special.’

_She’d heard that enough times by that point to know it was true._

‘There’s something weird going on here,’ Was the last thing Maria heard before blacking out once again.

_****_

_‘Fury’s gonna kill me if we lose her...’_

_‘He won’t tell me why she…’_

_‘Disposable when we’ve got the information from her…’_

Maria's body toyed with her consciousness for hours, and she was eventually seen by a doctor for her injuries. They kept her restrained, flat on her back, and the blindfold stayed on. She didn’t notice that her gag was removed until she tried to swallow and realised that there was a tube going down her throat. Someone must’ve noticed Maria beginning to choke, as she felt the tube being removed in a way so uncomfortable that she came close to throwing up from the feeling of it.

‘You’re alive.’

_This one again, maybe she’d been better off dying._

‘Who are you?’ Maria asked, trying to sound confident. It came out weaker than expected, for she was still in a great deal of pain.

‘I’m the one asking questions,’ She responded, in a cool, almost seductive tone.

Maria was moved back to her chair pretty shortly after waking, after being given a paralytic, and while she was still blindfolded, she knew that the woman kept her eyes on her the entire time. Her presence made Maria uncomfortable, and Maria almost wished she’d just be killed already to save herself from further trauma. 

‘Back to what I was saying,’ She began again once Maria was settled, ‘Who do you work for?’

Maria didn’t expect to have her gag kept off, but she expected to have it replaced when she was finished being interrogated. She didn’t respond, knowing full well she’d much rather die with her secrets then live with them exposed. They’d start with the easy stuff, things they already knew, and peel into her slowly. Maria wasn’t stupid.

‘Fine,’ The woman sighed, ‘We’ll do this the hard way.’

Maria braced herself to be punched, receiving a swift set of knuckles to the gut. The blood spewed from her mouth on impact, which was followed by a, ‘gross!’ Maria half smiled, half winced at the sound of a tap running seconds later.

‘It’s bad manners for a guest to get their blood all over the host, you know,’ The woman responded from across the room.

‘Don’t get your guys to beat me senseless and maybe I won’t be so messed up internally next time,’ Maria sighed. She wasn’t enjoying these games. She needed answers, anything that could lead her to a way out. 

‘I'm going to do much worse than that after we've finished with you,’ She replied, and Maria knew that if this girl was going to try to get under her skin, she could play at that game too.

‘Not if Fury has anything to say about it.’

_The silence that followed convinced Maria that she’d said the right thing._

‘I don’t know what your deal is with Fury,’ The girl responded after a few moments of hesitation, ‘But he’s not here. I am.’

Maria didn’t have any ‘deal’ with Fury, for she had no idea who this Fury guy was. She’d overheard the name in snippets of conversations, and decided to throw it around to test the effect it had on her keeper. She could now confidently assume that he was the leader of whatever the hell was going on.

‘He’ll know though, if you kill me,’ Maria pointed out, which ended up with a hand around her neck. She knew the woman could easily kill her, and that she definitely wanted to, but she didn’t.

‘I could make it look like an accident, don’t worry,’ She whispered, sending a slight chill down Maria’s spine. The girl let go though, and Hill knew she was safe for the time being.

‘Where are we?’ Maria asked, not really expecting an answer.

‘Who’s the one asking questions here?’ The captor responded, and Maria started to wonder if her tone was always this calm. It was worse than being shouted at, for there was something so eerie about the way she was being talked to. It was easier to get the intentions out of someone when they yelled, for they were more likely to end up blurting out something that they weren't meant to.

‘Apparently not you,’ Maria replied, testing the patience of the girl before she heard the buzz of a phone.

‘Stay there, oh wait,’ She got up, most likely smirking at herself for the remark, before walking almost out of Maria’s earshot. The only upside to being unable to see anything, was the newfound ability to hear much better than usual. 

_‘A bleed? They’re being dramatic, she’s fine…’_

_‘...well she’s alive, isn’t she?’_

_‘alright, give me a minute.’_

‘Sit still,’ She ordered, which only made Maria wriggle as much as she possibly could. A punch to the face so hard that it knocked her chair down was enough to set her straight when the chair was positioned upright again. After the click of a camera, no one talked for a couple of minutes. Maria was a little startled by the sigh that broke the silence, and then the touch of hands on her face. Maria rarely felt the hands of another person when she wasn’t being hit at or punched. It was almost nice, if it was anyone else she may have even enjoyed it.

‘They need to see your whole face, to make sure I didn’t kill you and replace you with some other girl,’ She explained, ‘if you try anything-’

‘You’ll what? _Kill me and replace me with some other girl?’_ Maria laughed at her own joke before wincing at the returning pain in her shattered ribs.

The woman became a little more rough with Maria’s knotted blindfold, not caring if she tugged at Maria’s hair a little more than she normally would, for something about this girl really pissed her off. She peeled the blindfold off and walked around to the front of her hostage, who was still adjusting her vision.

When Maria blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted to the artificial lighting, she almost thought she had truly died. There didn’t seem to be any explanation for this where Maria was alive, or at the very least one where she wasn’t hallucinating. Maria froze, completely lost for words because there was simply nothing in the world that could’ve convinced her that this was actually happening. Out of everyone in the entire universe that she could’ve been taken by, of course it was _her._

‘Natasha?’


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria refused to believe that this was the Natasha she'd known, but that was proving more and more difficult when Natasha appeared to be right in front of her.

Maria was barely able to say that name without getting choked up. It was one she hadn’t said out loud in years, for fear if she talked about the one person who could actually make her feel something it might bring up the unimaginable amount of pain she had dealt with. Alone.

‘Who?’ Natasha (or perhaps not Natasha), replied, her face screwed up like she’d never even heard the name. Maria’s stomach dropped, and she felt like she wanted to throw up. The punches, the beatings, being shot in the leg, nothing in her life that hurt her could’ve ever hurt her the way that this did. 

Perhaps she was hallucinating, from the blood loss, and the increasing level of pain that was enough to make any normal person pass out. She had to be, because even after everything, even when Natasha Romanoff was standing right in front of her, she had to convince herself that this wasn’t the same person. The Natasha she knew would have tended to her wounds, not created more. This couldn’t be the Natasha Romanoff that Maria Hill had known once, but a history so blurred by pain and trauma made Maria reconsider whether her past feelings were even real, or simply just a fever dream of happiness that helped Maria forget what her life had truly been like in those years.

‘You’re not her,’ Maria resolved, although she felt as though she was trying more to convince herself than Natasha, who was very clearly right in front of her.

‘I don’t have time for this shit,’ Natasha mumbled, taking another photo of Maria and sending it to who Maria could only assume was Fury. A lump formed in Maria’s aching throat, and she bit her lip to distract herself from the tears that were close to falling down her face. How was she ever supposed to live with the fact that Natasha Romanoff had _forgotten_ her? 

‘What’s your name?’ Maria asked, curious, yet almost scared for the response. Her voice came out less accusatory than she had intended, but she supposed it didn’t matter much when the girl had no idea who Maria thought she was. Maria waited, but didn’t get anything back from the girl who was now sitting on a chair on the other side of the room, legs stretched up over the desk beside her. This was the first time Maria was able to look around her new living space, and she found it to be marginally nicer than she had imagined it. The walls were a dark grey, as was the floor. There were no windows, but one side of the room had a large technological space. Five or six monitors were lined up, some stacked, all different sizes. Only one was turned on, however it was too far away for Maria to read information from. Noone else was in the room besides her and Natasha, and she noticed a film that separated part of the room from others. She assumed that this was where she was treated for a short period of time, as she recalled a not-so-far journey being carried back to the chair where she was still tied up in that moment. 

‘So, I’m just supposed to believe that this isn’t a coincidence?’ Maria asked, her tone a little softer than before. Natasha sighed heavily before getting up and walking over to Maria, coming so close to her face that their noses almost met. Maria swallowed thickly, for this wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined things going down in the alternate universe where Natasha was alive and well. She felt fingers fumble around her wrists as the eye contact that remained between them both felt all too familiar. 

‘I don’t know what mind games they taught you in the army,’ Natasha spoke calmly while tightening the ropes around Maria’s wrists to the point where they could cause Maria some real harm. She tried her best not to wince, but everything hurt more now when it was Natasha inflicting the pain onto her. ‘They won’t work on me. I already told you, if you try your shit with me, or test my patience, I will kill you. First, your hands are going to slowly lose function, before all hope of them ever regaining strength drains away. Then, I’ll do the same to your feet, and after that? I’ve got a few ideas.’ She smirked.

This wasn’t the person Maria knew, or at least she didn’t think it was. But Maria knew those eyes, and she wondered if she wanted it so badly that perhaps she was just making all of this up in her head because there was simply no way that this was happening. 

_Maria always said she’d die to see Natasha one final time._

She didn’t say anything further, too frustrated at the situation to talk. Her wrists were rubbed raw from trying to loosen the ropes enough to stop them from constricting her hands. Maria wasn’t sure whether this was some cruel joke, or whether she had simply been no one important enough to stick around in the calculated mind of Natasha Romanoff. 

****

_Six Years Earlier_

‘God!’ 

Maria thought she had been sitting alone, although when nose-deep in a book she was known not to be aware of her surroundings. She hadn’t noticed the short, brightly coloured haired girl, leaning over her shoulder, until she felt wisps of the girl’s hair fall onto her shoulder. When Maria turned around, the girl jumped back, almost fearfully.

‘I’m sorry!’ The girl responded, and Maria’s slightly annoyed expression softened completely. She studied the girl, who looked to be a similar age to her. She had long red hair that fell a little past her shoulders, and a pinafore that looked terribly uncomfortable. She was wearing slightly clunky looking black boots, and it seemed awfully strange to Maria that the girl wasn’t wearing any kind of jacket in the early months of February. Even stranger, the girl wasn’t shivering at all in the freezing cold, when Maria was chilly herself in a winter coat.

‘It’s alright,’ Maria replied, holding up the book. ‘Have you read this before?’

‘I haven’t read many books, and very few in English,’ She shook her head, and Maria noticed a slight accent that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Maria felt bad for the girl, who seemed like a loner type, because she was the same. It was 4pm on a Friday afternoon, when most of the girls from her high school would be dressing up in their pretty dresses to go out with their friends, and she was reading a book. Maria was fairly impressed at how the girl hadn’t made a single sound when approaching her, for the area of the park that Maria was sitting in was blanketed in a layer of frost. 

‘You can read with me, I suppose. As long as you don’t sneak up on me again,’ Maria joked with a small smile, which seemed to make the girl grin back at her. She didn’t seem to notice her new friend looking around anxiously before hopping up over the bench beside her.

‘I’m Maria.’

‘Nat,’ the girl responded. ‘You can call me Natasha though, if you’d like,’ She added hesitantly.

‘That’s a pretty name,’ Maria responded, which seemed to please Natasha. They read quietly for half an hour or so, only talking when Maria asked Nat if she was ready to flip to the next page. Maria liked the way Nat’s finger followed the line she was on slowly, stopping for a second when it came to a particularly big word and mumbling curses in russian when she had to skip over it. 

‘Do you know what time it is?’ Nat asked, glancing around and playing with the hem of her pinafore.

‘It’s 4:35, do you have a curfew?’

Maria hadn’t finished her sentence before Natasha gasped and sprung up, dusting off her dress.

‘I’m late. I have to go’ She replied, and Maria’s heart sank.

‘Do you need someone to walk you home?’ Maria asked, almost hoping she’d say yes, even though she had no idea where the girl lived.

‘I’m sorry, I’m going to be punished already for being late. I wouldn’t want them to know what I was doing.’ Nat stumbled over her words, talking too fast for her brain to translate some of the things she was saying. Maria was left a little confused, but she seemed to get the gist of what Nat was trying to say. She thought it was pretty strange for a girl not to want her parents knowing that she was reading a book, which was probably the most innocent thing that any teenager in their town would be doing that night. Plus, it wasn’t even 5pm, no-one’s curfew is that early. Not even Maria’s.

‘Goodnight, Natasha,’ She smiled, having enjoyed her quiet, yet almost perfect evening.

‘Goodnight, Maria,’ Nat called out, running unexpectedly fast for a girl who didn’t appear to be wearing shorts under her pinafore.

_Maria thought that would be the last she’d ever see of the girl._

****

Maria’s mind was elsewhere when the girl, who she had to keep reminding herself wasn’t Natasha, sat back down in front of her with a sigh. 

‘Ready to share yet?’ She asked, her head dangling off of one end of the chair. Maria had begun to pick up on the Natasha-impostor’s mannerisms, one example being that the girl never seemed to sit still. She was unsure whether or not it was just to tease the fact that Maria was stuck in the most uncomfortable upright position, but Natasha (for Maria’s lack of an actual name caused her to revert back to it in her mind frequently), seemed to change positions every couple of minutes. She was now lying across the chair, legs hanging off of one end and head watching Maria upside-down from the other. Her expression stayed relaxed, which was interesting considering that hours before she was taking part in Maria’s beating. It must’ve been a regular thing for her, the beating people senseless, torturing them until they died a slow, painful death.

‘You clearly never trained with military forces,’ Maria smirked. 

‘Didn’t need to,’ She responded, seemingly an effort at a dig, although Maria wasn’t phased. ‘Amuse me, Hill, was this _Natasha_ in the army too?’

Maria laughed, for _her_ Natasha was adamantly against joining the army, for fear that it’d hold her back. They probably would’ve, if Maria was being honest with herself. She was always more intellectually competent, but Natasha was the strongest, most agile and calculated fighter she’d ever known. 

‘No,’ Maria answered, after noticing the confused expression on her captor. 

‘And Natasha, does she know Fury?’ She asked, and Maria’s thoughts began to jumble up again. Trying to explain who Natasha was, to Natasha, was quite difficult. Especially when the gash on the back of Maria’s head was still throbbing, her memories becoming all mixed up with present time.

‘She doesn’t,’ Maria responded. She wasn’t in the mood for another beating, which she expected if she accused the girl of being her Natasha once more. 

Seemingly satisfied, the girl got up and paced a little before heading to one of the computers. Maria’s vision was improving, and she could very nearly see the writing on the monitor. It was still too hard for her to even make out the letters, especially on smaller text, but when another monitor came on the date filled up a large portion of the screen. 

_August 21st 2020_

Maria tried thinking back to the date she was taken. That Monday was the 17th, and she was taken on a more intense day of drills, so it must’ve been Wednesday. That meant she’d gone two days without water, which wasn’t so bad considering she had gone without for longer, however Maria’s blood loss made her in dire need of fluids. As if on cue, Nat left the room, and came back with a cup of water. 

‘As much I’d like to, I’m not allowed to kill you just yet.’ 

Rather than releasing the ropes slowly draining the life from Maria’s hands, Natasha lifted the cup to Maria’s face for her.

‘If you try to bite me,’ She eyed Maria suspiciously before holding the cup to her mouth, while her hostage tried her very best not to laugh at the thought. ‘It’s happened before.’

The water was warm, but Maria savoured it without really thinking too much. She’d drank sweat before, so the clean water was a surprising, but nice, change.

‘I would never _dream_ of biting you,’ Maria mocked sarcastically. If this girl was so set on killing her, Maria was sure she’d have at least a little fun first. Besides, something about reminding herself that she didn’t know this girl, that Natasha would never kill her, made it slightly more easy to bear. Plus, the distraction was really helping her forget about the fluid, likely blood, flowing down the back of her neck and down her shirt. Her nose was stuffed up with blood too, but she was pretty certain that days of being cooked alive in a boiling hot room, with multiple injuries which were likely infected was not making her smell good at all. She was desperate to shower, but she highly doubted that she’d be allowed one. Maria cursed quietly as she tried wiggling her hands to loosen the ropes even a little bit, but Natasha was right. Her wrists were rubbed raw from the ropes, her skin now fleshy and torn up. 

‘You know if my hands fall off,’ Maria began, attracting the attention of Natasha, who had been half-asleep, ‘I won’t be able to give you what you want.’

‘And what’s that?’ She laughed, but her eyes spoke volumes of her curiosity. 

‘The written history of every major event in my life leading up to the day I enlisted,’ Maria smirked. Natasha’s attempt at masking her surprise was in vain, as Maria saw right through her.

‘We don’t want that,’ She responded nonchalantly.

‘Then why does it say it right there?’ Maria tilted her head, knowing she’d caught the girl out. The largest of all of the monitors had switched on, possibly automatically, but more likely down to a technical mistake on Natasha’s part. Maria could make out her name, and a couple of other words, the writing now big enough for her to decipher roughly. It didn’t help that the text was in Russian, when she was having enough trouble reading basic English. By the look on Natasha’s face, she’d been right in her guess of what the monitor said, for she turned it off with a scowl and left the room. Maria braced herself for the sound as the iron door slammed, and the room fell silent. Her victory was short-lived, for at least when she had someone else around she could be somewhat distracted. 

It became one of very few moments where Maria longed for her Mom. Or perhaps not even her Mom, just someone who would take care of her, clean her cuts, bandage her up well, the things Moms were supposed to do. Maria had little knowledge in the area, for her Mom distanced herself completely when Maria came out. She’d always been quite maternal herself, although she didn’t have much opportunity to show it in the army. Maria had resolved years ago that if she ever was a mother, she’d be the type to actually take care of her children, rather than leaving them to figure out everything for themselves like she’d had to. 

She didn’t suppose it made much of a difference now. Maria’s mother hadn’t reached out to her since she was deployed, and now she was going to die, alone, with nobody in the world who cared about her enough that she felt like she owed them a goodbye. 

_Well, almost nobody._

****

Natasha startled Maria, the door opening almost as loudly as it closed. Maria was unsure how long she’d been asleep for, and woke up feeling worse than she had when she fell asleep.

‘You reek, you know that right?’ 

It took a few seconds for Maria to remember everything that was going on, and at first her heart leapt at Natasha’s voice. It sunk fast when she was reminded of the fact that Natasha was either a figment of her imagination, or that she’d been forgotten.

_She wasn’t sure which option she favoured._

‘What do you expect me to do about that?’ Maria sighed. Natasha thought for a second, before leaving again. Maria didn’t hesitate for a return, but sure enough, Natasha came back with a set of folded up clothes.

‘I can’t change when I’m tied up like this,’ Maria stated obviously.

‘That’s why I’m untying you,’ Natasha responded with an eye roll, walking over and beginning to undo the ropes around Maria’s wrists. ‘The door over there is bolted. There’s guards surrounding this room, and the area. If they’re told not to shoot you, they’ll beat you senseless until you’re too weak to move, _again.’_

Maria considered making a great escape for a second, but when the blood rushed back into her hands and ankles, her only real thoughts were with examining herself. Plus, she seemed to forget for a moment that she was barely well enough to keep herself awake. 

The girl was rough to begin with when loosening the ropes around Maria’s wrists, wary of fists that Hill might try to throw at her, she even dug in her nails a little just for the sake of seeing the girl uncomfortable. It was deserved for the games that she’d almost been caught out in, though she’d never admit it. She recognised the name Natasha, possibly from a girl in her past. It didn’t really make sense to her why Hill recognised her, however she put it down to how bashed up she’d let her hostage get. It wasn’t uncommon for them to hallucinate, she reminded herself, being more gentle with the ropes. She didn’t feel bad, but there was something about Hill that irked her. Assuming it was nothing more than just anticipation of killing the girl, or possibly the lingering annoyance at herself that she’d accidentally uncovered part of their plan, she ignored the part of her mind that was electric with curiosity.

‘What are you doing?’ She asked, as Hill reached down to lift up her shirt. 

‘Getting changed,’ Maria responded, confused. She didn’t want to hesitate, the idea of fresh, less blood stained clothes incredibly enticing in that moment.

‘I thought you were going to wait until I left,’ Natasha replied, almost as if it was obvious. While she looked forward to killing this girl, she was going to be somewhat modest about their situation. ‘You have one minute,’ She added, heading for the door.

‘Natash- sorry. I don’t know your name,’ Maria cursed herself out, half-expecting the woman to come right back and take the clothes, and maybe a little more of Maria’s dignity. ‘Thank you.’

_She didn’t seem to think twice about changing in front of Natasha._

Taken slightly aback, the woman nodded politely, perhaps their least passive aggressive reaction of all of their encounters. ‘Fifty-three seconds.’

Maria dressed as quickly as she could, simultaneously trying to give the bruises creating a rainbow of colour over her torso a once-over for real injuries. The outfit she had been handed was plain, a neutral grey-brown shade with no logos that could hint Maria towards the organisation that had taken her. It was quite loose on her, and certainly wasn’t form flattering at all, but it would give her cuts some breathing space. Natasha reentered a minute later, just as Maria was tossing her old clothes into a pile. 

‘You won’t need those anymore,’ Natasha spoke almost coldly, taking the clothes and throwing them into the corner of the room. Maria sat back down, hands on the arms of the chair, waiting to be tied back up. 

‘So, this Natasha,’ The woman began. ‘She looked like me?’

Maria didn’t care to consider whether it was a trap or not, because the opportunity to talk to Natasha again, even if it wasn’t _really_ her, was too overwhelming to decline.

‘Very much so,’ She replied. ‘She had an accent, though.’

‘Ah, I see.’ Maria didn’t even notice the quiet beep of the voice recorder in Natasha’s pocket, too consumed in the deep green eyes that she had tried so desperately to forget. ‘Where was she from?’

‘Russia.’ 

The woman paused for a moment, slightly surprised. She started tying the ropes slower, giving herself an excuse to explore the history of the woman sitting helplessly in front of her. ‘So you met her there?’

‘No,’ Maria grimaced, ‘We met where I lived.’ 

She knew she was testing the boundaries, toying with the idea that maybe if she said the right thing, pushed the right buttons in Natasha’s mind, that her Nat would come back.

‘Chicago,’ She nodded, and Maria almost forgot that the woman probably had files upon files of Maria’s personal notes.

‘Why are you asking this?’ Maria was starting to see sense, reminding herself that they were obviously looking for something specific about her past to dig at.

‘No reason,’ Natasha shrugged, finishing the knot on the last of Maria’s ropes with a tug perhaps slightly too tight. She was adamant that she wouldn’t let Hill get to her, and it frustrated her that this wasn’t turning out to be as straightforward as every other case she had worked on.

‘Natalia,’ She added, walking back to the seat beside her desk with the monitors at it.

‘What?’ Maria looked up, only half-listening.

‘My name is Natalia.’ She repeated, trying to sound annoyed, although she really didn’t.

‘Nat,’ Maria mumbled in barely a whisper. She tried not to let the memories enter her mind once again, unsure of how long she’d manage to keep the tears at bay. 

‘Most people call me that,’ Natalia replied, clearly having heard Maria. ‘But you can’t.’

‘Right,’ Maria nodded.

_It was a start, at least._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about one or two parts of this chapter, but in the end decided to leave them as I have ideas for future chapters where they'll become important. I hope y'all enjoy this one! If you have any comments/suggestions I'm most active on my twitter (user swarieys - looks like swarIeys) <3


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a mystery to Hill, why Natalia changed her attitude towards Maria whenever she felt like it.

‘So, Natalia,’ Maria nodded, letting the name roll off of her tongue with ease. She hadn’t known anyone with that name in years, and it was one she didn’t have the fondest memories of. ‘How long have you been working for Fury?’

Natalia spun round in her chair slowly to face Maria, who hadn’t said anything in an hour or so. ‘A while,’ She answered carefully, knowing that if her response was too detailed she may reveal too much. She’d already broken well past the boundaries she’d been set by revealing her actual name, which was incredibly stupid of her in hindsight. Her coworkers could never do something like that and get away with it, but Natalia knew that they needed her far too much to fire her. 

‘Where are you located?’ Maria asked, sounding far too casual, as if they were conversating like acquaintances rather than captor and captive. It wasn’t her intention, but it wasn’t exactly an accident.

‘Nice try,’ Natalia chuckled sarcastically, turning back to the monitor where she’d been working, the screen angled perfectly so that Maria wouldn’t see anything that she was typing. It was an email to Fury and their team, where she claimed to need more time alone with Maria, a couple of days would be enough to get something out of her. Admittedly that was pretty difficult when Natalia had no idea what she was actually looking to find out, for they refused to give her any information, insisting that Fury needed to talk to Maria first. Natalia exaggerated some areas of their story slightly in the email, and left other areas out completely, knowing how much trouble she’d be in for the amount of leeway she’d already given Maria. While Natalia was a master of torture, she was holding off on this one a little. The embarrassment she was feeling from her kindness (if you could call it that), to Hill was something that she wasn’t going to let anyone else in on.

There was a reason she’d been chosen specifically for Maria Hill, and she was aching to know what it was.

‘He wants to talk to you,’ Natalia got up after sending her message.

‘Fury?’ Maria raised an eyebrow, not expecting to meet the boss of the operation so soon, if at all. 

‘Tomorrow,’ She nodded, taking her place at the less comfortable chair a few feet in front of Maria. 

‘So I’m living until then?’ Maria was almost joking with the girl who had seemingly been thriving on the thought of killing her.

‘Apparently so,’ Natalia sighed, not wistfully like Maria half-expected her to, but instead with a smirk.

Their conversations remained short most of the time, neither of them speaking for the majority of the day, or night. Maria could only sometimes squint hard enough to check the time on one of Natalia’s monitors, and when she couldn’t she had little sense of time. She would drift off for a second and wake up suddenly, unsure whether minutes or hours had passed. Natalia was no help, either. The girl never seemed to sleep, and when she shut her eyes for a while she seemed to wake up very abruptly, hopping out of her chair where she’d been napping and working out, seemingly to distract herself. 

****

_‘Are you tired?’_

It had been odd to Maria at first, but exciting. Walking from school straight to the park, to find Natasha waiting on the bench patiently for her. They read together, Maria pulling out a pack of mints from her rucksack and sharing them with her new friend. It was a bit strange to Maria, how the girl had made it from her school all the way to the park before Maria, when Maria knew that her school was the only one in the area. Natasha wore the same outfit too, her hair not pinned back like the previous Friday. It was braided neatly, not a hair out of place. Maria began to wonder if perhaps the girl was a ghost, for she didn’t seem very ordinary. The thought exited her mind swiftly when Nat leaned in closer to Maria than she had expected, presumably to see a word or phrase better, until her head was close to resting on Maria’s shoulder. The touch sent butterflies, hundreds of thousands of butterflies racing through Maria’s stomach as she tried not to react to the gesture. They both relaxed, the cold not bothering either of them as they read slowly. Maria didn’t notice the slowing of her friend’s breaths, or the slight increase in pressure on her right shoulder.

_At least, she pretended not to notice._

Maria was content for eight, maybe nine minutes, before she realised that it was getting darker. She wasn’t concerned for herself, but more for Natasha.

‘Are you tired?’ Maria asked quietly. It was so silent that she was startled by her own voice, and Natasha appeared to be too. She sat up quickly, much to the disappointment of Maria, and smoothed down the sides of her hair.

‘I don’t get much sleep at night,’ Natasha shrugged. ‘Madame says I need to be focusing on my skills.’

‘You call your mother _Madame?’_ Maria scrunched her nose in confusion, to which Natasha responded with a slightly confused head shake.

‘My parents passed,’ She replied quietly, and Maria felt bad almost instantly.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make-’ 

‘No,’ Natasha cut an anxious Maria off by closing over the book in her hand and meeting her eyes. ‘It’s alright.’

‘Did you move here afterwards?’ Maria asked hesitantly, but Natasha didn’t seem to have an issue with the question. The moment lingered for both of them, a chill running up Nat’s spine at everything that had happened to her in the period of time before she was taken to America.

‘Not exactly. I was taken to… a place. For girls like me,’ She explained. ‘They brought a few of us over here for a year before we go back home for our graduation ceremony.’

‘That sounds nice,’ Maria smiled, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

‘It’s... harder, than other orphanages. It’s not something we should talk about in the open,’ Natasha’s voice quietened, although her eyes remained calm, reassuring Maria that she couldn’t have known about her struggles. Maria responded with just a nod, fearing she may say the wrong thing. She didn’t seem to be very good at friendships.

‘We don’t have to keep reading,’ She finally spoke after a few moments of silence passed.

‘What else could we do?’ Natasha asked, a curious smirk appearing on her face.

‘We could talk,’ Maria asked, although Natasha kept looking over at the large open space of grass in the area behind their bench. ‘Or you could teach me how to run really fast, like you did last week,’ She grinned, and they’d both sprung to their feet before Maria could even finish her sentence.

Maria Hill would’ve been bullied relentlessly had anyone from her school seen her. She was lucky that no other sixteen year old in Chicago took much fancy to the idea of running around on the grass with an orphan on a wintery February evening, but here she was. Natasha picked up her skirt slightly, sprinting to the other end of the grass with ease, as Maria ran behind at a pace which to anyone else would be considered pretty fast. When beside Nat, she looked far slower, and no matter how hard she tried to kick her legs that quickly, Maria simply couldn’t beat her new friend.

‘How… do you… do it?’ Maria asked between breaths, twenty or so minutes of running, cartwheeling and acting extremely childish together later.

‘I told you, I have to work on my skills.’ She replied nonchalantly, dropping down to the ground and sitting cross legged in front of Maria, who was sprawled out on the damp grass. It was clear that Natasha had only really sat down to wait for Maria to catch her breath, as she didn’t seem to be sweating a drop.

‘You’re _made_ to be this fast?’ Maria turned to Nat, who didn’t seem to understand Maria’s confusion.

‘Most of the older girls can run for longer than me, I’m supposed to be better than them already,’ She shrugged, picking at little pieces of grass. She didn’t seem to notice the look of curiosity and fear that Maria gave her, or if she did, it was ignored.

****

‘Hey!’

Maria dreamed of her old days with Natasha so infrequently, it was almost like her body was saving the face she’d tried so desperately to forget, to remind her of her happiest moments when she’s living through her worst. The ice cubes that had fallen into her lap and the freezing water that was dripping down her face suggested that someone wasn’t keen on the idea of her dreaming either. For a second she savoured the cool water, which was a welcomed contrast to the constant heat in the room that she couldn’t picture a future outside of. She didn’t hear a smart remark, or receive a slap as expected from Natalia. It was difficult to act angry when she had been in a world of bliss with someone so similar, yet so different, only moments before. Maria opened her eyes and swivelled them around the room, to see a guard, one who she didn’t recognise, arguing quietly in the corner of the room with Natasha. She could barely see, for the door next to which they were bickering was almost fully behind her. 

‘Who’s going to have to clear it all up? Me?’ Natasha rolled her eyes at the guard, who was seemingly becoming a little anxious. ‘Don’t mess with her. She’s talking to Fury tomorrow, and he’s gonna be pissed with me if he doesn’t get anything out of her. And when he’s pissed at me, I’m pissed at the guard that caused this mess.’

‘Sorry ma’am.’ 

‘Not a word while I’m gone.’

‘Yes ma’am.’

Maria wasn’t very sure what had happened that caused Natasha to leave the room, however it seemed almost as if she had been defending Maria. The guard stood at the door sheepishly for a while, as Maria, who was now in damp, uncomfortably warm clothes was trying her best to fall back asleep until her clothes dried off.

‘Natalia on your back?’ She teased, after eventually giving into her insomnia. The guard ignored her, which Maria had half-expected.

‘She’s pretty tough, huh?’ She continued, beginning to aggravate him.

‘I bet all of you are wrapped around her finger. I mean, it’s not like she couldn’t make you her bitches if she wanted to.’

The guard apparently didn’t take well to his peers being joked about, as Maria heard him swiftly move over to her. Holding the chair steady with one foot he soon placed Maria into a chokehold. 

‘Is this what she’d want? Maria asked, remaining calmer than most would. 

‘Let’s find out,’ He whispered, his right fist colliding with Maria’s nose. It was funny to Maria, how even in moments of such pain she managed to find a way to keep herself composed. She barely reacted when blood began to pour from both of her nostrils. Her slight smirk didn’t go down well with the guard, but as his eyes moved from Maria to the door, he let her go. Time passed slower now that blood was trickling fast down Maria’s face, dripping from her chin like the leaky tap that she recalled Natasha telling her about one time. 

Natalia returned just as Maria’s nose stopped bleeding. Her substantial blood loss from previous events of that week had made her weak, but now Maria appeared white as a sheet.

‘What the fuck did you do?’ Natalia turned to the guard only a second after reentering. The bloody half-footprint in the middle of the ground was enough evidence for Natalia, as she grabbed the man by his shirt collar and threw him out of the room. The doors were soundproof, or so Maria assumed, as the redness around Natalia’s knuckles were very telling.

‘He hurt you?’ She asked simply, wavering six feet away from the chair in the centre of the room.

‘No.’ Maria responded, letting her head fall. She didn’t appear to be aware of anything for a few moments, and when she looked up again it wasn’t completely voluntary.

A chair had been pulled up in front of her, with a medical kit sitting open on the floor. It took Maria a second to notice Natalia on the chair, her leg pulled up so that she could rest her chin on her knee. One hand waited patiently at her side, a mass of tissues accompanying. Her other hand was up beside Maria’s face, a touch so gentle that Maria barely noticed two fingers assisting in holding her head up from the chin. The touch hadn’t startled her, nor had she been able to react quickly enough for a negative response to seem believable. Maria savoured the split second of reaction time she had, the split second before she closed her eyes because she didn’t know if she could handle facing everything she’d lost and everything she’d hated and everything she’d loved in that moment. 

And then Natalia hesitated.

Maria could feel the gentle pressure being lifted from her face by only a couple of millimetres, but it was soon reapplied. Her eyes didn’t reopen as the blood was cleaned from her face in silence, the dabbing of the tissues becoming almost loud. Maria’s head felt quiet. No dizziness, no nausea, suddenly forgetting the urge to cry and scream and smile all at the same time because she had no idea how to react to gaining and losing everything she’d ever wanted all in the space of a couple of days. Her eyes didn’t reopen when Natalia got up and moved away, and she remained calm when a cold rag was set on her forehead.

‘For the swelling,’ Natalia explained in a voice almost too quiet for Maria to hear.

‘He didn’t hit me there,’ Maria opened her eyes, confused. Natalia looked up with a nod, her eyes meeting Maria’s. 

‘But I did.’

A hint of apology lingered in her eyes as she began to clean one of the larger gashes on Maria’s forehead. Her gaze had long strayed from her hostages’, but Maria watched intently. Natalia moved a strand of Maria’s hair away delicately, now applying an antiseptic to the cuts. It was a mystery to Hill, why Natalia changed her attitude towards Maria whenever she felt like it. The thought played on her mind for a short while, before Natalia finished cleaning up Maria’s face and left the room. She returned only a minute later, with a small bundle of clothes, this time black. 

‘Fury told me to clean you up before tomorrow, and you needed some more clothes.’ Natalia stumbled over her words at first, something Maria had never seen before in the woman. She cursed internally however, at the fact that she’d actually thought Natalia could’ve been looking after her for any other reason than for her own personal benefit. But that was all it was to Natalia.

_Another job._

Maria stiffened as she was untied to use the bathroom, as she’d now been allowed to twice a day, and waited until Natalia had left the room so she could have a minute of privacy. Her new black outfit looked slightly better on her, and while it wasn’t the most comfortable, it felt less stuffy, which would serve her well in the heat of the room she was stuck in 24/7. She ran her hands over her face slowly, the clean feeling unrecognisable. She’d never been given long enough to risk using the tap for anything other than washing her hands and getting a quick drink. Natalia returned exactly three minutes later, and Maria sat ready to be tied up once again. Her ropes had been getting looser, no longer adding new bruises on top of the existing ones.

‘You should sleep.’ Natalia sat at her computer chair hours later, leaning back to check on Maria.

‘Why do you care?’ She asked, a slight scowl.

‘I don’t,’ Natalia recoiled, her tone becoming steely as she faced the monitors in an attempt to mask the redness on her cheeks. ‘Fury does.’

‘Right.’ Maria nodded, _‘Fury_ cares,’ She corrected herself. 

_And she let herself believe that for a second._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm sorry for not updating this in ages, but i'm probably gonna start posting new chapters regularly from now on! the next chapter is going to have something kinda important in it too which will be really pivotal to the way the rest of the story pans out so i'm gonna start writing that one soon:) let me know your thoughts on this one too because i'm not so sure about it?


End file.
